Not Really What You Want To Read...

Definition of Vacation

 

1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: Schoolchildren are on vacation now.

 

2. a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.

 

3. freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.

 

4. an act or instance of vacating.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

In this context I didn't really lie. I DID go on vacation. It wasn't necessarily for recreation or travel, but it was indeed for rest.

 

You see, I had a 50 day vacation in a psych hospital.

 

From September 26th to November 15th.

 

Yes, I counted the days.

 

 

 

I still can't believe I practically missed Fall. It was warm when I went in, and deathly cold when I came out. So much for being able to wear my cute fall jackets.

 

While inpatient, I underwent excessive therapy, extreme medicinal changes, an overdose of cognitive classes and most extreme, a process called ECT, Electo Convulsive Therapy. Which, if it had to be compared to anything, would be most like Shock Treatment.

 

Yes, I underwent brain stimulation to attempt to cure me of my disorder. Wild huh?

 

 

 

Nonetheless, nothing seemed to work, and my insurance kicked my out after 50 days of making zero progress. (Well, some progress was made according to my doctors, but according to me, I left worse than I came in).

 

I've been battling my feelings, my past, my parts for a while. It has seemed to have gotten excessively worse lately.

 

Things, little and big, make me emotional, stress me out and overwhelm me to the point of non-functioning.

 

Since, being home for a bit, I've gotten a bit more control over my emotions and my medicine. When I first arrived home, I had apparently been taken so much medicine that I was practically overdosed for the first few days and couldn't function, so my psychiatrist basically halved everything to see if that would fix the problem (which it did).

 

There are a lot more things I could and would tell you about what I've been up to since June. It is all actually quite interesting, but most likely something you don't really want to read from a blog, that normally post outfit post.

 

But, I just wanted to get it out there why it seemed my vacation was so excessively long, and why my blog has been so extremely quiet.

 

I'm not sure if I plan to post outfit post anytime soon, to be honest.

 

After I got over the overdost, I've worn some pretty cute things if I do say so myself, but the motivation to set up my tripod and primp and pose in front of the camera has gone down the drain.

 

THank you anyway for those who have checked on me occaisionally, and those who have actually read this far into this post.

 

Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

 

Take Care

 

Jen L

I'm On Vacay - Be Back Soon!!

Quotable Sunday - Mental Illness

 

 

Telling someone with mental illness to

"pull themselves together" is just as

 helpful as

  telling someone with AIDS to "just snap

out of it"

 

 

 

Phillip Lim For Target Items - Return or D.I.Y.?

Okay, remember when I told you I ordered the following items offline from th e3.1 Phillip Lim collection for Target?

Well, I ordered all XL's and 16's. Thinking if they had enough stretch I could get them to fit.

Well, I'll start with the pieces I've received and discuss their fit and fabric on a size 18 top and a size 20 bottom person.

Whose that person I speak of?

No Dad, Really, I'm Not Going "Clubbing"

#Fall Wish List - Asos At It Again - I'm Obsessed

It's late at night, or rather early in the morning and I haven't slept a wink. 

So, I decided to do some window shopping and put some items from Asos on my fall wish list. 


I really am trying to get more into separates as I am kind of getting tired of the convenience and monochrome look of a dress.

Although most items below are separates, there are still some dresses that I couldn't overlook, listed at the bottom.

Gothy Gurl Want List - Hot Topic

Just a list of things that appeal to my Inner Goth!!

'

Dictionary Definition of Goth

a person of no refinement; barbarian.

Definitely not my definition!

Check out these CUTE items below!

Gwynnie Bee - Blue and White Tie Dye

Flying Into Fall With Wingz - OOTD and Review

Jumper: MICHAEL Michael Kors /  Sleeves: Wingz Fashion / 

Booties: Dolce Vita via Barefoot Tess

When The Clock Strikes Twelve, Changes Begin Happening

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!!!

Pow! Zap! Wow! Life With Dogs

Why do my eye ALWAYS look closed??

Just Something Interesting

This piece of art has been stationed outside my therapists office for I don't know how long.

At first it was a bright, shiny metal color, then it became a bit rusted and then for the longest time it became rusted and bronzed.

Eventually, someone decided to paint it white (Which was probably just a base color, but it ended up staying that way for a while) then finally it was painted orange and yellow.

I kind of always wanted to take a picture of it because it is quite interesting. As well, it is the only piece of art for miles around, which is kind of awkward and weird.

Why put it here in this particular office area? Who made it? Did anyone commission it or is it just a donation? What does it mean? Does it have any significance to the types of offices that are located near it?

There are so many questions that go through my mind every time I walk past this structure. I guess I could always ask my therapist if she knows anything about it, but I guess the best part of enjoying art is having the ability to question it....

So I just stare at it occasionally, enjoy it and walk on.

Absolutely Fabulous, If I Do Say So Myself!!!

Vested Blazer - Big Beauty X Jean Marc Philippe  /  Tank Top: Asos /  Leggings; Domino Dollhouse / Jewelry: Various

My Cast Is Cooler Than Your Cast

My foot cast is cooler than your cast!!!

I call him Bootsey for short....

Phew!! And It's Still Early

After the excitement and the rush of partaking in LimSanity aka Phillip Lim's collaboration with Target, I knew I wanted to wear something comfy today.

No real plans do anything special except to go grocery shopping. Since the mail doesn't come on Sundays, I have a break from receiving any boxes.

Phillip Lim For Target and Other Stuff I Grabbed On The Way

Sooo, if you haven't heard, Phillip Lim is coming out with a capsule collection for Target. It is, of course (and apparently), a pretty big deal.

Our Attire Usually Says More Than We Mean

Finally, Separates featuring De-mes-tik's New York

This is finally a post about wearing separates. This is the second skirt I bought from Demestiks New York on Etsy.

Comic Sans: Some May Think I'm Too Honest

Wore this today. I know I was supposed to wear separates but I couldn't help myself!!
But separates it will be tomorrow.

This comic print dress and my purse and jewelry gave a lot of little homages to comic book fans.

Ix-Nay The Resses-Day

This is the weather report for today says 93 degrees. Basically, Summer ain't over

So since the weather is still hot, I get to keep wearing my summer clothes.

SALE: Domino Dollhouse

Domino Dollhouse is having an INCREDIBLE sale on their Nuclear Seasons Collection.

50% off the entire Nuclear Seasons collection!! 
No Code Needed!!

Bags, Bags and More Bags: My Current Obsession

Can I EVER have enough bags?!?!?

No, I can't. 

So, see what I am currently obsessing over!!!

Geometric Mixed Prints: Triangles, Stripes and Circles

Orange and Green - A Lovely Combination!!

SALE: Payless!!

Some people may make fun of Payless shoes, but they've really come a long way since the days of ugly, orthapaedic, granny shoes. They carry really cute durable shoes now at pretty good prices, which is great, especially for someone with a size 12 or size 13 foot.

So Gaudy, It's Good

 

Rule Breaker - Thick Chicks And Crop Tops

So as you may know, it has been going around the blogosphere that many of the archaic rules of plus size fashion are being thrown out the window.

One of these rules is the often dreaded CROP TOP!!!

I'm Much More Than My Wardrobe - About Books

           

Wingz Make Falls Transition Even Easier

NOT what I really wanted.

I've been looking for some universal way to transition my Spring and Summer clothes to Fall.  I hated wearing blazers and cardigans all the time, because then you can't see the dress. So as with past seasons, the obvious answer was a bodysuit. I found a well priced bodysuit on Amazon and went ahead and purchased it even though it was not what I really wanted.

Jungle Boogie - First Try Mixing Prints

This is actually the first time I've mixed prints here on the blog. I've tried it at home on several occasions to no avail. I just assumed I wasn't good at it.

But today I decided to try again. This time I stuck to the simpler mix of black and white prints. I think I did pretty good.

Transitioning Summer to Fall: First Try Of The Season

Today it was pretty cool out, starting out in the low 60's and peaking at the mid 70's.

I've been wanting to wear the Eloquii silk dress I'm wearing today all summer, but didn't really have anywhere I felt like wearing it to. Then the hospital came and that made an additional 3 weeks out of my summer unavailable to wear this dress.

Recent Indulgences and Shopping As A Coping Mechanism

I'm not sure why I shop so much. It isn't because of the blog, it isn't because I'm trying to impress people and it isn't because I'm trying to stay trendy. It would actually be a lot easier to blame my shopping on something other than just myself, since that way it seems it would be easier to stop.

Unfortunately, I think I use shopping as a coping mechanism.

OOTD: Depression Hurts But I Try Not To Look Like It

You can't even imagine how hard it was for me to smile in these pictures. Of the 100+ pictures I took, I smiled in about 25 of them. 

Orange Is The New Black

I've personally, never seen the show. But I absolutely love the color orange, so if orange is indeed the new black, I am all for it!

Also, sorry for the shoddy pics, I took these in the evening and forgot to put on the flash.

I'm back home!!

I just got out the hospital today.

There are so many things I need to do.

First things are purely self-care oriented. Like shave, redo my nailpolish, get my hair cut and wash my clothes,

I was in the hopsital 3 weeks and 1 day.

I actually didn't mind being there. It was quite a sheltered environment. But it was time for me to come home. I get to cuddle with my dogs and steal kisses from my little boy however much I want to now.

I begin outpatient day treatment, which is basically going to the hospital during the day, but being able to come back home at night. It is a natural progression from being in a fully secured ward and going out into the real world. It should help me adjust as I manage my real world stressors.

Well, just wanted to let you know I am back, and you can expect to see more outfit posts coming soon.

Thanks

The Inability For People To Accept That I Accept Myself

Yesterday in art therapy ( I'm still in the hospital but get out tomorrow) I designed a bag with the words "Thick Chic" in large letters inside a heart. On the outside of the heart I put "self love" "afro love " and "body love".

On My Inability To Grow A Real Afro

Ever since I was young, my hair has been very long, straight and curly.

 

Notice my long curly hair at such a young age. I was about 3 years old.

 

Growing up in a perdominately white school district, it never occurred to me that my hair was any different from other little black girls... at least until I hit middle school. That is when the taunting started.

Fall Dresses From Asos That I Absolutely Adore

Just engaged in my window shopping at Asos.

These dresses are on my Fall wish list!!!

Frustrate Me Friday - #34 People Who Let Their Dogs Approach Other Dogs Without Asking The Owner First

That is a dog fight waiting to happen!!

 

I have dogs, and although I personally think they are sweet and nice and well behaved, I can't guarantee how they will act or any other dog will act when approached.

 

I know their signals: Alarmed, Scared, Interested, Playful and on guard.

 

But YOU don't know their signals. Therefore why would you let your dog approach my dog without asking me first.

Never Stronger

Today has taken a lot out of me.

 

For the first time since my stay I actually teared up. It was due to the mention of my trauma and the fact that I am afraid to delve into those memories.

 

Now, I didn't full on cry, but enough tears fell down my cheeks that I needed a tissue.

 

I quickly gathered myself and again regained the stoic exterior I have perfected since I got here. Not feeling.

But then i began to realize, by showing pain, trusting the process and showing I had weaknesses, I had actually never been stronger.

My home therapist tried to get me to process my trauma once. I'm not sure what happened but apparently it caused her to quickly reconsider and realize that I was DEFINITELY not at the right stage to begin processing.

But being in the hospital is probably the perfect place to begin processing. I am safe and  protected and surrounded by staff whose sole purpose is to help me get better. I won't be left alone with my thoughts or urges, which can be dangerous, because they do 15 minute checks.

So, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow with my onsite therapist. Basically just like I told my roommate, I will go in and say:

"Okay, I'm ready...Make me cry..."

Hopefully she will.

Have a good night.

Thanks for reading.

Jen L.

Being There...

You may. Or may not wonder where I've been lately. Well, I've been hospitalized with complex PTSD and severe depression.

Thumbs Up Thursday: Bethany of Arched Eyebrow.com

There isn't much I can say except to ask you to go read Bethany's article HERE.

It is a powerful piece.

GB - Sunshine Blue

I didn't have on any makeup for this shoot, because I am trying to allow my wound to heal as much as possible on it's own.

My dog Ziggy trying to sneak into the picture!

Decide You Are Beautiful

Bachelorette Party - Purple Party Dress

One of my favorite things to do on Polyvore is to create an outfit and then try to recreate it.

If you recall, the most recent Polyvore set I did was "Purple Party Guest"

The inspiration behind this was that a good friend of mine was having her Bridal/Bachelorette party today, and the theme was N'awlins (New Orleans). The host asked for the guest to all wear purple.

About Concealers - From Someone Who Really Needed It

It has been recently going through the blogosphere the magic behind concealing makeup.

~In case you don't know what the difference between regular makeup and a concealer makeup is, well a concealer is a heavier version meant to completely cover, as opposed to makeup which is just mean to coat and enhance.~

Well, I had to put that magic to the test for a Bachelorette party I was attending today. I couldn't go with a gaping wound in the middle of my head. What gaping wound you ask?

Well, unfortunately, last night, the skin between eyes and on my lower forehead began to peel heavily. When I washed my face, the skin just all came off right before my eyes, and I was left with this:

Polyvore - Purple Party Guest

Polyvore - Purple Party Guest by literalgemini

GB - Pre-Bachelorette Party Errands To Run

So this morning I woke up bright and early because I have quite a few errands I need to run before attending my friend S's bachelorette party (or rather bachelorette day considering it starts at 12 noon today and ends at 2 am tomorrow).

Polyvore - Hot As Ice