Not Really What You Want To Read...

Definition of Vacation

 

1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: Schoolchildren are on vacation now.

 

2. a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.

 

3. freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.

 

4. an act or instance of vacating.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

In this context I didn't really lie. I DID go on vacation. It wasn't necessarily for recreation or travel, but it was indeed for rest.

 

You see, I had a 50 day vacation in a psych hospital.

 

From September 26th to November 15th.

 

Yes, I counted the days.

 

 

 

I still can't believe I practically missed Fall. It was warm when I went in, and deathly cold when I came out. So much for being able to wear my cute fall jackets.

 

While inpatient, I underwent excessive therapy, extreme medicinal changes, an overdose of cognitive classes and most extreme, a process called ECT, Electo Convulsive Therapy. Which, if it had to be compared to anything, would be most like Shock Treatment.

 

Yes, I underwent brain stimulation to attempt to cure me of my disorder. Wild huh?

 

 

 

Nonetheless, nothing seemed to work, and my insurance kicked my out after 50 days of making zero progress. (Well, some progress was made according to my doctors, but according to me, I left worse than I came in).

 

I've been battling my feelings, my past, my parts for a while. It has seemed to have gotten excessively worse lately.

 

Things, little and big, make me emotional, stress me out and overwhelm me to the point of non-functioning.

 

Since, being home for a bit, I've gotten a bit more control over my emotions and my medicine. When I first arrived home, I had apparently been taken so much medicine that I was practically overdosed for the first few days and couldn't function, so my psychiatrist basically halved everything to see if that would fix the problem (which it did).

 

There are a lot more things I could and would tell you about what I've been up to since June. It is all actually quite interesting, but most likely something you don't really want to read from a blog, that normally post outfit post.

 

But, I just wanted to get it out there why it seemed my vacation was so excessively long, and why my blog has been so extremely quiet.

 

I'm not sure if I plan to post outfit post anytime soon, to be honest.

 

After I got over the overdost, I've worn some pretty cute things if I do say so myself, but the motivation to set up my tripod and primp and pose in front of the camera has gone down the drain.

 

THank you anyway for those who have checked on me occaisionally, and those who have actually read this far into this post.

 

Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

 

Take Care

 

Jen L

Quotable Sunday - Mental Illness

 

 

Telling someone with mental illness to

"pull themselves together" is just as

 helpful as

  telling someone with AIDS to "just snap

out of it"

 

 

 

My Cast Is Cooler Than Your Cast

My foot cast is cooler than your cast!!!

I call him Bootsey for short....

OOTD: Depression Hurts But I Try Not To Look Like It

You can't even imagine how hard it was for me to smile in these pictures. Of the 100+ pictures I took, I smiled in about 25 of them. 

Orange Is The New Black

I've personally, never seen the show. But I absolutely love the color orange, so if orange is indeed the new black, I am all for it!

Also, sorry for the shoddy pics, I took these in the evening and forgot to put on the flash.

I'm back home!!

I just got out the hospital today.

There are so many things I need to do.

First things are purely self-care oriented. Like shave, redo my nailpolish, get my hair cut and wash my clothes,

I was in the hopsital 3 weeks and 1 day.

I actually didn't mind being there. It was quite a sheltered environment. But it was time for me to come home. I get to cuddle with my dogs and steal kisses from my little boy however much I want to now.

I begin outpatient day treatment, which is basically going to the hospital during the day, but being able to come back home at night. It is a natural progression from being in a fully secured ward and going out into the real world. It should help me adjust as I manage my real world stressors.

Well, just wanted to let you know I am back, and you can expect to see more outfit posts coming soon.

Thanks

Never Stronger

Today has taken a lot out of me.

 

For the first time since my stay I actually teared up. It was due to the mention of my trauma and the fact that I am afraid to delve into those memories.

 

Now, I didn't full on cry, but enough tears fell down my cheeks that I needed a tissue.

 

I quickly gathered myself and again regained the stoic exterior I have perfected since I got here. Not feeling.

But then i began to realize, by showing pain, trusting the process and showing I had weaknesses, I had actually never been stronger.

My home therapist tried to get me to process my trauma once. I'm not sure what happened but apparently it caused her to quickly reconsider and realize that I was DEFINITELY not at the right stage to begin processing.

But being in the hospital is probably the perfect place to begin processing. I am safe and  protected and surrounded by staff whose sole purpose is to help me get better. I won't be left alone with my thoughts or urges, which can be dangerous, because they do 15 minute checks.

So, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow with my onsite therapist. Basically just like I told my roommate, I will go in and say:

"Okay, I'm ready...Make me cry..."

Hopefully she will.

Have a good night.

Thanks for reading.

Jen L.

Being There...

You may. Or may not wonder where I've been lately. Well, I've been hospitalized with complex PTSD and severe depression.

"Am I A Hoarder?" - A Question I Ask Myself Almost Daily

As you know I currently own a home out of state.

A lot of my and my son's things are still there. Clothes, shoes, furniture, Toys, Pots & Pans, Cleaning Supplies, etc.

Well, one day my father agreed to go there and help me begin packing up some of my stuff.

He was in the mindset that we would just make sweeping decisions about whether we would keep things, and wouldn't get into the minutiae.

But this was my house! I was ALL about the minutiae. I wasn't just going to begin throwing stuff away just to to throw stuff away.