Friday, August 2, 2013

Knee-Yawn (Neon) - Why Can't I Just Be Fat & Happy?

Why can't I just be fat and happy?

When some one talks about anything that remotely has to do with exercise, (whether it is walking to the store or just playing wii) it is always followed by the phrase" will get you into shape."

What if I don't want to be "in shape". What if I am perfectly happy with the way I am?

I don't have any major medical problems that can be directly associated with my weight. My problems are basically all mental. But my cholesterol is good, my blood pressure is excellent, I am NOT pre-diabetic, I don't have PCOS and I feel fine, although a little out of breathe when I RUN (run not walk) up the stairs. But come on, give me a break!

But, then why are so many people obsessed with me "getting into shape"?

My mother, my father, My Doctors, my therapist even.

They keep assuming that I am unhappy because I'm fat. Or I am Fat Therefore Unhappy.

Why can't Fat and Happy (or Unhappy) be mutually exclusive?

I am even finding a trend amount plus size (full figured - whatever) bloggers, where the subject of a diet (and getting "healthy") has become a new subject on their blogs.


Now, I don't knock ANYONE for trying to get healthier. I mean that is fantastic.
But, why, no matter where I go, I am subjected to the assumption that because I am fat, I am therefore unhealthy...  That is what makes me sad.

Your ASSUMPTIONS, that I am fat, so I'm unhealthy and THEREFORE unhappy is actually the real reason I'm not happy, and then probably therefore unhealthy.

Ever think of that...That perhaps your unconscious shaming of me is what is actually causing the whole problem?

You've heard it before (and I'm sure thought it), "If only I/you/(s)he/we/they were skinny, all problems would go away". (not including health problems of course - to be honest, some of those may actually go away, but some don't)

I'm referring more to those thoughts like:
"If only I were skinny, I'd be married by now..." "I'd have that job right now", "I'd be happier."

Those are a lot of subjective definitives to put on being skinny.

But, I've got news for you...


And what is skinny anyway? A size 10? A 6? A 4? A 2?

I will never be a size 6, or 4.... My body was not made for that... I have big bones (HONESTLY), which you can tell by the width of my ankles and wrists. The length of my feet and hands.

Plus, I don't think I WANT to be that small, considering I would look like a bobble head doll with clown feet...

The smallest I've been is a size 8, and my parents thought I was sick. (I looked sickly).

Skinny for me is a size 12.  But for others that would be considered fat...


Basically, we have been taught from birth to be ashamed of ourselves. To hate our baby fat in our adolescent years, to hate our curves and bumps during puberty, to feel like we are less worthy when are bellies aren't flat.

I wish I were at a point, that I could say I don't still think that being skinny would solve a lot of my problems. I mean it is a habit and has been ingrained in me. It is an addiction and stopping overnight, cold-turkey, is almost impossible.

But I want to be happy with me. I want to feel good about myself. And I want to not care what other people around me think...

Unfortunately, the people around me seem to care more about how I look than how I feel.

And that just isn't helping.

I just want to be fine with me,
whichever me that turns out to be.

Whether it is fat me, or skinny me... I just want to be happy and content and not be worried so much about how much changing myself physically will supposedly cause a drastic change to occur in my life and the world.

If by losing weight, I could solve world hunger, stop genital mutilation, and stop sex trafficking then I would be all for it...

But, unfortunately, as much as I'd like to think I was that important, I really don't think my weight has that much influence on the world..

So stop treating me like it does...

Why can't you just focus on loving me as I am, rather than trying to get me to be the way that you think I should be...

Vest: Eloquii/ Skirt: Asos / TAnk: Eloquii/ Necklace: Lane Bryant/ Shoes: Nine West

1 comment:

  1. I got down to about 108 pounds before my wedding (I'm 5'2"). I did not feel I looked healthy at all and felt I needed to put on some pounds before the wedding.

    My body is at it's best at what would be considered overweight, which is about 120 pounds.


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