Unfortunately, I think I use shopping as a coping mechanism.
Whenever my life feels completely out of control (like it does now), and it seems that hardly anything can make me happy, shopping is something that I feel like I have some control over (and it makes me feel good).
When I have money, I can usually buy what I want, when I want and how I want.
There is also the excitement of waiting for my order to arrive in the mail, the rush of relief and intrigue when I see the boxes at my door, and the satisfaction I feel when I put something on and it fits and it makes me feel beautiful; If even just for a second.
Even if I have no where to wear my beautiful new acquisition, just the act of staring in the mirror and liking what I see at that particular moment lightens up my mood.
So, I guess that acts as a prelude (and excuse) as to why I indulged myself while in the hospital and shortly after I was out of the hospital.
Sometimes, I just need something to look forward to out in the "real" world.
I need something that will make me feel good, if even for a moment.
When depressed, those moments of happiness, of contentment and of self-love are few, far between and fleeting. They rarely come and when they do, they last a very short time.
I know I am going to get some side eye from my parents (and probably you the reader) about spending money on clothes when I really should be spending money on hospital bills.
But clothes make me feel so much more alive. They make me feel good. They increase my self-confidence, and dare I say...they make me smile...
So with that said, below are some of my late August, early September indulgences.
Let's see how much I will return!!