Monday, September 2, 2013

The Inability For People To Accept That I Accept Myself

Yesterday in art therapy ( I'm still in the hospital but get out tomorrow) I designed a bag with the words "Thick Chic" in large letters inside a heart. On the outside of the heart I put "self love" "afro love " and "body love".

Everyone absolutely adored the bag, continually commenting on the little afro'd girl holding up a peace sign in the corner. But on thing they refused to make a comment on, was the large yellow statement that was the main focus of the bag. "THICK CHIC".

No questions about whether I misspelled Chick, or if I meant to put chic (which I did) no questions about what it meant.

I think the whole "I'm thick and I know it" made others, who were thinner than me, quite uncomfortable.

How could anyone be fat and be happy. Those two words don't go together, it's an oxymoron!

We'll I may suffer from severe depression but it isn't because I'm fat... if it did have to do with being fat it would be that others make judgements of me and not that I'm fat, but that others won't let me BE fat. It is unacceptable, and weird to think someone could be fat and happy. People don't believe you. They make little comments like "why don't you walk to the store instead of drive, it would be good for you."

My reply is just rolling my eyes, or if I am in an especially sarcastic mood I'll say "Well, why don't YOU walk to the store?"

People think they are doing you a favor when they put you down. They think that if they make you feel guilty enough, you'll change your ways.

It's not fair.

My vitals are perfectly fine, like I always say. I can walk 5 miles fine without a break (been there done that) I can do the elliptical for an hour going between 6 -7 mph without losing my breathe.
I'm fine where I'm at. I've been miserable when trying to lose weight for other people under the guise that I'm just trying to get healthier, I'm doing this for myself or some other TOTALLY untrue statement. When in actualit, it is really just to stop the judgements and put downs.
Why won't they just let me be fat and happy?

If you do want to lose weight, get healthier etc, more power to you. But don't pressure me, or put me down just because I don't jump on the bandwagon.

That is called peer pressure, and I thought we left that back in high school.
Let me be whoever I choose to be. If it makes me happy and doesn't hurt anyone, then I'd appreciate you just appreciating that I am finally happy with myself.
That's what is truly important.

Thanks for reading.
Jen L.

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